Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
