he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize