I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize