he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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