I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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