I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
