Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
