i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
