apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
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I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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