remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
