She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Fuck appropriateness.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
