Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i've created a new STD.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
