I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
