So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
