i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tell her she can't have a vagina
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
