Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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