She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I believe in your delicious
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
