her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
