it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize