she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
