dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
