I think my vagina is haunted
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
