i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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