I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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