He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
