you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
