Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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