You made me cry and you don't even care
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
