Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
