i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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