you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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