We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When are your genitals available?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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