It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
