So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
