Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
