I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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