I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
