he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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