i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
