i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
