I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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