guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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