so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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