There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
