Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
