OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
