Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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