If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
