I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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