totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
