I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
