Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
a search helicopter?!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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