doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
