every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
