Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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