She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
