Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
