Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
