I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
