apparently the secret to your success is patron
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
