The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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