It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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