I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
