The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
